Threesomes – How to avoid troubles (part 1)

Threesomes – How to avoid troubles (part 1)

Have you been contemplating a threesome lately? Are you desirous, yet fearful of threesomes? Do you often wonder how it is to have a threesome?

Ben and Fiona have been discussing threesome

Ben and Fiona have been married for five years and have a great sex life. They love experimenting with sex as a couple. Lately, the idea of threesomes has been dominating the discussions in the bedroom.

While Ben and Fiona have no qualms about sharing each other with a partner, they’re not sure how it will affect their relationship.

As a couple, they’re wondering about the aspects that they should be mindful about. The problem is they don’t have anyone they can discuss the issue about. They don’t want to end up in a situation where they embarrass themselves or the sex partner they let into the bedroom.

All that Ben and Fiona are looking for is a bit of erotic fun. They also aren’t sure how they should treat this individual. While they don’t want to make him a part of their relationship beyond sex, they don’t want this person to feel used and uncomfortable.

They just wish someone could give them an insight into how threesomes usually turn out to be, someone with firsthand experience in the matter.

Threesomes are one of the most common fantasies among men and women alike. It’s not unnatural to want more of a good thing, after all! Of course, a threesome gone wrong could be a whole new story.

Unfortunately, even being such a widely employed sexual adventure, threesomes are pretty likely to go south. Unless, that is, you follow some specific guidelines and know what you’re getting yourself into!

In the following two-part series I will cover what you need to know before getting yourself into a menage-á-trois and, more importantly, what you need to know to get out of one unscathed.

A threesome gone wrong can be extremely uncomfortable

Know yourself and your expectations.

Answer these questions honestly.

  1. Are you looking for a little fun to spice up a relationship or do you want a continued polyamorous relationship?
  2. Are you hoping to expand your romantic relationship in addition to your sexual relationship?
  3. Are you REALLY open to the idea if your partner is?

These are all questions you have to consider before you enter into a threesome situation.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better — Ralph Waldo Emerson 

You must also know your partner and his or her expectations. If your partner is just “going along for the ride” because you suggested the idea, it’s a good idea to put the brakes on now.

Make sure that this is something both of you genuinely want, and that you are both well aware of the emotional risks that can come along with involving a third person in your relationship.

If you are the third party in the threesome, it’s just as important to know the couple and what they hope to get out of this arrangement. Be prepared for any and all circumstances, including jealousy, awkwardness, or being used as a throwaway plaything.

Also be prepared to have a great time and enjoy yourself!

Don’t have a baby to save the marriage

Never have a threesome to “save” a strained sexual relationship — it won’t work. The result is likely to be a threesome gone wrong.

If you’re half of a couple that is having issues in the bedroom, adding a third person is hardly the path you should be taking. It’s also wholly unfair to whoever you invite to play; they are likely to get caught up in your personal drama without even realizing it.

Comfort is king

Be absolutely sure that all partners are comfortable with their sexuality, including yourself.

Be very wary of encouraging anyone to explore outside of their sexual orientation if they are not gung-ho about the idea. This can bring up many unsexy issues of self-doubt.

Exploring curiosity is one thing, whereas goading someone into an interaction they may not be comfortable with is entirely different.

If you are uncomfortable playing with someone who is the same sex, forcing yourself to do so won’t make you feel any better about it.

Likewise, if you are in a gay relationship, spicing things up with someone of the opposite sex is bound to stir up feelings that may make someone involved very uncomfortable.

A Canadian study published in Psychology Today comprising of 720 male and female participants between ages 18 to 60 revealed some astounding facts about threesomes.

It revealed that most women were not very excited at the prospect of having sex with two men while most men were willing to jump at the opportunity of having sex with two women.

The study just goes on to show the different mindsets of the two genders.

Use discretion when exploring new sexual territory — for yourself and your partners. This is supposed to be an engaging, erotic experience, but with three people’s emotions and tastes involved, it can get a little hairy once you’re in.

Honour your core sexual values and express them directly –  Miya Yamanouchi 

However, keep in mind that individual preferences can vary. According to a survey about threesomes, less than 10% of women openly acknowledge that they’ve ever had a threesome. 35% of men on the other had openly admitted that having one is their ultimate fantasy.

Surprisingly, 25% of men were completely disinterested in the idea of threesome. It must be noted here that people wanting to have threesome are actually a minority, so you need to tread the road cautiously.

A place to rest your weary (head-giving) head

If you are the third party in the threesome, understand that it is possible that your couple may not offer you space in their bed, or even a place to stay.

Think of yourself as a plaything, not the extra piece in the puzzle. Be prepared to make a graceful exit after the fun is over.

That said, if you are inviting a third party to join your sexual exploits, it is rude to not offer sleeping arrangements (whether it be your bed, your couch or a hotel room) for your playmate.

This consideration is often overlooked, leaving an otherwise satiated and happy individual with a sour taste in their mouth at the end of the night.

How do I make my fantasy of having a threesome a reality? What is the chance that I end up in a threesome gone wrong? What aspects should I keep in mind for a great threesome?

If you’ve been in a threesome and handling it with zero complications, we’d love to listen to your tips too.

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